Come On, Guys, This Is Pizza-Ordering 101, For Crying Out Loud

OK, so now Chris is in. Guess his plans to make a sandwich from existing lunch meats blew up in his face exactly as we thought it would. So we need to increase the pizza size of one of the pizzas from a medium to a large. And it needs to be the mushroom and onion because apparently Chris had a bad experience with Grimboli's sausage. No, I don't know the details because I didn't ask. The important thing is that we're up to three larges, one totally all sausage, one pepperoni, and one mush-onion. I'm going to call it in.

What? Who's Deirdre? Craig's girlfriend? Craig, when is Deirdre getting here? If she's just getting on 94 she's gonna be another 45 minimum. We have to call this in before the game, so you'll have to be her proxy. She's a vegetarian? Of course she is. Well, we're just going to have reconsider the 2-to-1 meat-veggie strategy. It was designed for the meat-heavy audience, which has recently changed. No, I'm not mad, it's just that we'll have to start back at square one. What's her vegetable preference? Some consider the mushroom-onion an unorthodox choice. I personally consider it a revelation but whatever.

OK, so, one good byproduct of Deirdre and Chris's sudden pizza-order hijacking is that we've now upgraded into a new coupon level. Since our order will easily be over fifty dollars, we can now get the Family Feast, which includes the 2-liter of RC and one appetizer for basically the same price. Deirdre and Chris have made us a family. For my efforts, I'm not going to open the appetizer selection to the floor. I'm just going to go with the cream cheese jal-pops. Done and done.

I'm dialing. Keith, why are you still ogling the menu? Put it back in the folder. What? You want a stromboli? You cannot have a stromboli at this point. Sorry. I don't care how world-famous Grimboli's stromboli is. You're committed to eating a third of sausage thin crust. I realize you're upset that green peppers got shot down in the first round of topping negotiations. We've made a note of the proceedings and you will get a guaranteed pick next time, no vetoes.

Somebody ask Chris what his unit number is. Chris should really be calling this in since it's his place, but he gets nervous on the phone. Now they're going to enter his address under my phone number in the system, and I'll have to go through the whole rigmarole when I host. I'm going in the second bedroom because the noise is really jumping up in here. When I come back, someone better have done something about that disgusting pile of twenties on the coffee table.